


we used to

by xenteaa



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 05:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12101460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenteaa/pseuds/xenteaa
Summary: just a little conversation that went wrong





	we used to

\- Do you still remember, Doctor? No, honestly, do you? – Missy asked suddenly, her gaze still pinned to the door of the Vault as if there was something worth staring at.

In fact, she was just trying to avoid the Doctor’s grey eyes that unfortunately were eloquent enough to express how tired he was. Not of her company, of course, but of what was happening to their broken and toxic friendship which could not ever be fixed or repaired. They both knew that but, for some reason, never stopped trying.

The Doctor was grieving, and the grief was silent, which made it even more harrowing for her to see. He was regretting every single silly insignificant little fight they’d had, every single carelessly picked word that was as sharp as the blade Missy always carried on her just in case. They both were great at speeches, but it certainly wasn’t an advantage when it came to arguments because they would always try to hurt one another by bringing up something that should never had been mentioned, they’d try to blame each other and themselves at the same time while sinking in self-destructive thoughts and impulses.

\- Remember what, Missy? There’s quite a lot of stuff to remember when you’re two thousand years old, you see, - the Doctor replied with a mix of confusion and indifference, slowly putting down some book he’d been reading. Not actually reading, though, more like looking at the pages mindlessly.

\- The Academy. The way you used to look at me, Doctor. As if I was the most fascinating being in the entire universe, - she uttered and closed her eyes, trying to reach out to his mind that remained impenetrable but still so very desirable, - Do you remember that we used to hide in that stupid barn of yours so that your parents wouldn’t find you and punish you for skipping classes and running away with me. Oh, God, they hated me, they were so convinced I was a bad influence. Can’t really say anything against it, though, you were fairly promising as a student back then and so recklessly wasting your talents.

As Missy was speaking, her mind went wandering about, digging up her oldest and probably purest memories. There was a lot of terror, chaos, mischief and destruction as well, but she decided to go for something that stayed untouched and, in a way, clean. And it was her childhood and early teen years. With Thete.

The Doctor wasn’t quite following yet hence merely kept listening to Missy and trying to figure out where she was going with all of this.

\- You trusted me completely, although you were aware that I was the one to screw you up. We were never made for each other, my dear. It’s exactly the opposite, I’m afraid, - her quiet murmuring was incoherent and yet sincere, she was saying everything that would come to her mind, and, oh, dear Lord, that chaotic cluttered mind of hers. She sometimes couldn’t deal with it herself, but it was rare, and she’d never let him witness it, - An unhealthy obsession, Doctor, that’s what it was. You never really loved me, did you? You fancied me, you wanted me by your side, but you never cared to _get_ me. Instead, you would try to change me, arrogantly calling it “helping”, - Missy frowned but kept her eyes shut as her little mental journey wasn’t finished yet.

The Doctor was just about to say something in his defense, probably attempting to apologize or excuse himself, but the TimeLady interrupted:

\- Don’t waste your breath, darling, - she sighed impatiently and carried on with her monologue, - I know, you’ve always been doing what you thought was right. I get it, Thete, always have. There’s only one thing that bothers me. Why did you leave me behind? You promised me the stars while we were dancing at out Graduation Ball, you looked so excited and determined that I actually did believe you. And then you just vanished. I never figured out the precise reason.

\- Missy, listen…

\- I _am_ listening, Doctor, - she said irritably and then realized she should probably let him speak.

\- It’s complicated. I know, everything about _us_ is, but, trust me, I tried. I was just about to knock on your door and quietly sneak you out of your house while your parents were asleep. But as soon as I approached your home I thought that all of it was so fundamentally wrong. We always argue, we always fight and end up hating each other and then being madly in love again, but it’s always been so extreme and fragile. I didn’t want to lose you like that, so I decided to leave things as they were. I assumed that living on edge would lead us to something disastrous and…

\- And you wanted to play it  _safe_ , - she chuckled in amusement as he was explaining himself, - and how are you liking the result of that, huh? Me, being your prisoner in a sodding box on the planet of your beloved humans. I could never think of anything more humiliating than that, but I’m still here, engaging in your bloody therapy sessions and genuinely trying to be someone you could _trust_ again. But you know what’s so funny about this? I’m initially here because of _you_. After you’ve left, my only wish and goal was to end your existence and bring you as much pain as you once inflicted on me by abandoning me and breaking the promise. I’ve had so many chances to actually kill you, but I never did, - her voice trembled, and she swallowed a salty _something_ that was blocking her throat and vocal cords.

\- Missy, - was the only thing he could say, the only thing he dared to say whilst watching the most important woman in the universe fight her urge to cry.

\- Get out.

The Doctor didn’t reply. He obediently got up from his chair and followed his way out, already starting to make billions of plans on how to make it right again. Now he was going to have plenty of time to think of reassuring enough words before Missy would let him in again. The most important thing, however, was that she was wrong. Utterly wrong. The Doctor did love her, because otherwise he’d never had found it in his heart(s) to forgive her for every single death she’d caused; his every close and dear friend she cold-bloodedly murdered and made him watch.

In the end, this strong deep unexplainable affection was exactly what he needed to prove. Luckily, they still had about nine hundred years to sort this out.


End file.
